


Learning to Live

by emilyhbr4



Series: The Story of the Hamiltons' [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-07
Updated: 2016-08-22
Packaged: 2018-07-13 00:21:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7130633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilyhbr4/pseuds/emilyhbr4
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to 'The Story of the Hamiltons', but you don't have to read that for this one to make sense. After the death of his sister and his father, Philip Hamilton has taken over as head of the household along with his wife, Theodosia, and his mother, Eliza. It follows their struggles after death and learning to live without the seemingly two most important people in Eliza and Philip's life.<br/>This is to help you out:</p><p>Hamilton Family-<br/>Alexander (deceased)<br/>Eliza<br/>Philip<br/>Theodosia (wife of Philip)<br/>Angelica (deceased)<br/>Alex<br/>John<br/>Elizabeth<br/>Angelica (daughter of Philip and Theo)<br/>James</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Nightmare

**Author's Note:**

> come talk to me on tumblr! I'm helplessandnotsatisfied and I'd love to receive some asks or chat with you :)

“Daddy!” Elizabeth called out into the dead of night. She bolted upright from her bed as sweats broke out on her forehead and her hands trembled with the sudden panging feeling of loss that she felt in her chest. Her breathing was heavy as she inhaled and exhaled through the sobs that consumed her. Still, she tried to quiet her sounds as to not wake the others of the household, but in an unlikely turn of events, she failed in that attempt.

“Elizabeth?” A voice called out as it entered through the doorway. Her brother appeared in its frame, obviously groggy from sleep or lack of sleep at the late hour. “Oh, Beth, it’s alright, come here.”  
He joined her under the blankets and allowed the girl to lay her head on his chest and wipe her tears on his shirt. The two sat there for a moment in the deafening silence of the night as to give Elizabeth some time before she decided to speak. 

Through her deep breathes, she whimpered, “I had a dream about Daddy, Phil. I would have called it a nightmare, but Daddy is alive in my dreams, even if only for a moment.” With his arm placed around her, Philip kissed the top of his sister’s head and gripped her shoulders a bit tighter. 

“Beth, do you have these ‘dreams’ a lot?” He questioned with a soft tone. You see, Philip was only staying at his mother’s home for the night along with Theodosia and his daughter, Angelica, because Eliza needed help with a few things concerning business. He had only lived in the same house as Elizabeth when she was first born, because he then quickly moved out once he was married. 

Elizabeth stared up at him with her brown, saucer-like eyes. “Yes,” she choked out softly. “Phil, Daddy dies every single time. Why am I never happy in my dreams?” 

Philip frowned. He knew his sister’s troubles all too well, as he often had nightmares of his own. It seems even Elizabeth’s eight-year-old childlike innocence couldn’t save her from the ugly sleep patterns that consumed their family line. “Hey, it’s okay, I get them too,” he cooed. She looked up at him once again, tears brimming her eyes. As he continued to speak, he wiped her tears away with his thumb, saying, “But when you wake up, you realize that Mommy loves you, Alex loves you, John loves you, James loves you, I love you, and so many more. Daddy’s watching you from heaven every single day, loving you from up in the clouds.” Elizabeth smiled. “Hey, there we go. That’s the smile I like to see.”

Elizabeth nestled into Philip as her eyelids began to flutter back to sleep. “Philip?” She asked with a yawn. 

“Yeah, Beth?” He responded, trying not to fall asleep himself. 

“I wish you could be here all the time. Mommy cries too, but she doesn’t hear mine because she’s usually distracted,” She murmured with a sleepy voice. “Will you stay here until I fall asleep?” 

“Yeah, of course,” Philip whispered. It only took a moment before his sister was asleep in his arms. He stared at her little face, remembering that first morning that he held her when she was just a baby. Within the next year and a half, his daughter Angelica was born and suddenly he had a daughter and a sister that were almost the same age. With their father dying only a few years later, Philip took on the role of father in their household, and even though Alex wasn’t one to listen to him often, John, Elizabeth, and James looked up to him in fatherly fashion. Philip Hamilton had grown up immensely since his father’s passing two years ago, and even more so since his sister Angelica’s passing almost eight years prior. 

It was not long before both Philip was asleep as well, having no reluctance about closing his eyes while holding his little sister.  
~  
The next morning, Philip awoke before Elizabeth did, so he silently slipped out of her arms to go meet his wife in the other room. It made him happy to see his sister sleeping soundly, especially after the night that she had. As quietly as he could, he entered the guest room where he and his wife had been staying for the night. He had hoped to not wake her, but of course she was already awake. She and Philip were very similar in that way. Their parents had taught them to be constantly working, but unfortunately that meant living off a few hours asleep on a daily basis. 

Not suprisingly, Theodosia was sitting up in her bed, resting against the headboard with a journal in her lap and a pen in her hand. “Philip Hamilton, where have you been?” She asked with a jokingly stern tone.

Philip just laughed and took the same position as his wife in bed underneath the covers. “In another lady’s bed I’m afraid.”

“Oh?” Theodosia questioned, placing her pen down and raising an eyebrow in his direction.  
“Yes, little Elizabeth Hamilton was having quite the night,” Philip explained. “She had a nightmare during one of the rare moments you were asleep, I went to go comfort her and fell asleep doing so. She said some weird stuff Theo, I can’t get it out of my head.”

“What do you mean?” She asked, this time completely turning her full attention toward her husband by placing her journal and pen on the bedside table. 

“She has nightmares every night, just like I did- and still do. But my mother does not take any notice. Elizabeth said she cries every night and therefore doesn’t hear her when she wakes up sobbing. With all of the stuff going on with the orphanage and Alex trying to get accepted into college, I think she’s stressed and missing my father now more than ever,” Philip rambled.  
Theodosia could see the worry in her husband’s eyes. She didn’t see him like that often, as he usually kept his stress in the confines of his office at work. But, this was different. This was his family. “Phil, whatever you want to do, we’ll make it work.”

“I want to move in like we did when my father first died. I want to help. I need to help,” He said, his eyes lighting up at the idea. 

“Well, we’ll have to talk to your mother of course,” Theodosia trailed off. She was normally one to weigh her options, but it was the smile on Philip’s face that really caught her off guard. She noticed his freckles were fading, something that often happened as the summer came to an end, but there were always a few prominent ones that stuck around for the long run. 

“Of course,” Philip quickly said.

“And I’m sure Angelica will love living here,” Theodosia continued. Philip nodded. “You really want to do this, don’t you?” 

“I do.” No one was more committed to his or her family than Philip. It was one of the reasons she married him.

“Okay, then I guess we’re moving in,” Theodosia stated. Philip kissed her cheek. Then, the two watched the sunrise through their window, taking in the peace of the moment before the storm later that day.


	2. The Announcement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We'll all be together."

“Morning, Ma,” Philip said, kissing her cheek as he and Theodosia entered the kitchen. “Sleep well?” 

“Oh, yes,” Eliza responded. She was busy whisking eggs at the counter and kept her focus that way. Philip gave Theodosia a sideways glance, which she quickly returned. The bags under Eliza’s eyes were quite prevalent, and based on what Elizabeth had told Philip that night, it was clear she was lying to save face.

“Ma, Theodosia and I have been talking,” Philip said carefully. Then, he paused before continuing, placing his hands on Theodosia’s on the countertop. “And we want to move in. Just for a little while.”

“What for?” She questioned, continuing to work. “Is something wrong?”

“Oh no, nothing’s wrong. We just thought it might be easier for you and Theo to run the business from the same home, Angelica and Elizabeth would love to live together, and…” Philip rambled. He tended to do that a lot; people said he got it from his father. 

“Philip that doesn’t make any Earthly sense,” Eliza said with her eyebrows raised, finally stopping her work. She could see the uneasiness on her son’s face as well as his wife’s. 

“Mom, this isn’t easy for me to say,” Philip began. “But I feel as if I’ve earned my right. Theodosia and I don’t get much sleep, and due to that fact, we’ve heard you crying during the night.” Eliza opened her mouth to say something, but Philip quickly cut her off. “Elizabeth has been crying too, Mom. I know I’m not exaggerating.”

“She has?” Eliza asked, her eyes becoming distracted, swirling her coffee and watching the ripples. “Oh.” Suddenly, her face looked incredibly defeated. “I suppose it has been getting bad again. When the summer comes, it always gets a little bit worse.”

“Please Ma, just let us stay. It’ll be fun for all of us,” Philip persuaded. 

“Yes, Eliza, please,” Theodosia mimicked, her eyes bright and smile wide. Theodosia had never felt comfortable calling Eliza mom, especially due to her own mom’s death. Besides, she and Eliza ran the orphanage together. They were partners and neither one was above the other. 

“I suppose that would be alright,” Eliza said. The married couple smiled and watched as Eliza allowed one to escape onto her face as well. 

~

About a half an hour or so later, when breakfast was ready and all of the kids were seated at the table, laughing and trying to eat before everything was gone, Philip prepared to tell them the news. Alex was grumbling about having to sit with the rest of the family, but that wasn’t new for him. He was normally holed up in his room studying or doing god knows what. Philip kept shooting him looks of displeasure, but Alex only rolled his eyes in response. His little brother wasn’t so little anymore, and unfortunately he was having a difficult time growing up. When Philip lost his sister and father, he had already grown up and had passed the overemotional teenage phase. When their father died, Alex was by no means stable and ever since had become bitter and guarded, something Eliza had a difficult time dealing with.

John and Alex had been really good friends growing up, but that had since changed. Alex deemed himself to be ‘to old to hang out with John anymore’ and slowly drew away from him and began hanging out with his jackass high school friends instead. As John got older, he became more quiet and reserved, sticking to his studies rather than speaking. Eliza often joked that she didn’t know where his qualities came from, but Philip knew that it was tradgedy that had struck the ambitious kid he once knew. 

Angelica and Elizabeth always had to sit next to each other. They had a million inside jokes that not one other Hamilton was clued into. They were always giggling and whispering about one thing or another. Angelica had had a pretty decent life; her parents provided for her every step of the way and guarded her from the evil that surrounded their world. She was a generally happy kid, and every day reminded Philip of Theodosia. Elizabeth, on the other hand, had eyes that looked years older than her small body would have had you convinced. She had felt and seen pain more than any other eight year old should feel in their life. Her sleepless nights had taken a toll on her smile, but she forced herself to seem happy on a daily basis. Nothing hurt Philip more then to see Elizabeth cry. She was his gift from Angelica after her death, and yet he couldn’t seem to make her happy. But he sure as hell was going to try. She was his little sister.

James, the smallest of the Hamiltons, was born a year or so before his father died. He was only three, still a child, and the happiest baby they had ever seen. Eliza and Philip hoped and prayed to god that he would stay that way. 

“Hey guys listen up for a second!” Forks were placed down on plates and last bites were taken as Philip stood up at the head of the table to make his announcement. “Mom, Theo and I have some news for you.” Even Alex waited expectantly for Philip to continue. “Theo, Angelica and I are moving in for awhile.”

“Really?” Angelica gasped and quickly turned to Elizabeth with the biggest smile plastered on her face. Elizabeth returned the excitement, though slightly less heightened.

She then turned her attention to Philip, obviously thinking about her episode late last night with him. “Why?” She asked with a look of worry on her face. 

“Your Mom and I have some business adventures we’re trying to take on at the orphanage and it’s going to take up a lot of time. Besides, it’ll be like a fun vacation for the summer!” Theodosia explained when Philip struggled to answer. 

“Okay, I guess that’ll be fun,” Elizabeth responded, still uneasy. 

“It’ll be so much fun,” Phillip said warmly, placing a hand on Elizabeth’s shoulder. “We’ll all be together.”


	3. The Market

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Elizabeth hasn't been outside in three days," Eliza whispered.

III.

“Elizabeth hasn’t been outside in three days,” Eliza whispered to Philip as they eyed the girl from the kitchen countertop. She was sitting on a chair masked by sunlight while sketching in a tattered sketchbook she had been given when she was small. She had a real knack for it, and could draw things down to the smallest detail after only having looked at it once. On that particular day, she was drawing a garden full of flowers, but was running out of ink so her lines were becoming thin. 

Philip gave a knowing look to his mother and strode over to his sister, where he took a seat next to her on the couch. “You’re running out of ink,” he stated, staring at her delicate lines and attention to detail. 

She looked up from her work, as if noticing his presence in the room for the first time. “I suppose I am,” responded, her eyebrows knitted together in concentration. “But that’s alright, I’ll just find something else to do. Sketching is not the only thing I am capable of.”

Philip chuckled a bit before saying, “You know, Beth, we can venture outside and get you some more. It’s no problem really.” 

Elizabeth shook her head. “No, no, that’s okay. You don’t need to-” 

“I insist,” Philip interrupted. 

Elizabeth nodded reluctantly before the two began to walk hand in hand to the marketplace. Just as the door began to close, Eliza called out, “Alex is at the market too! Tell him to try to make his way home for dinner soon!” 

As they walked down their narrow, cobblestone street, Elizabeth clutched her empty ink jar and sketchbook tightly to her chest. She didn’t want Philip to get a hold of it, for there were drawings inside that she considered to private to share with her dear brother. Quietly, he hummed to the beat of their walking and hoped that Elizabeth would look around and take in the wonderful sights of the city. As their father used to say, it was the greatest city in the world. 

As they drew nearer to the market, Philip began to notice a large crowd forming around the center of the square. A man was standing on some sort of pedestal with a piece of paper in his hand and was yelling loudly. He had clearly captured the attention of his forced audience. 

When Philip could finally make out the words he was saying, he didn’t like what he heard. “The late Alexander Hamilton and his concept of federalism have ruined this country! He set the stage for our government to become another monarchy like the one we narrowly escaped!” 

“Philip,” Elizabeth whispered. “Is that man talking about Daddy?” 

Before Philip was able to answer, a familiar face appeared in the crowd. “Philip! Elizabeth!” Alex said. “Thank God, Phil, I was just about to go up there and punch that man square in the jaw.” 

The anger on both Hamilton boys’ faces was unmistakable. Gritting his teeth in anger, Philip said to Alex, “Stay with Beth.” Then, crouching down with a softer tone, said to Elizabeth, “I’ll be back in a minute. If anything upsets you, cover your eyes and ears, okay? Everything’s going to be alright.” With a kiss on her forehead, Philip made his way to the center of the crowd. 

“The evils of federalism have taken over the minds of our leaders and banks, all due to the crisis Alexander Hamilton started!” The man continued. Philip could no longer restrain himself. 

“That is my father you’re speaking of! I’ll have you know that he was a great man-”

“Your father was a swine!” The man rebutted. 

“He fought for your freedom!” Philip yelled, turning to the crowd. “He fought to build the country that you all reside in!”

“And then he consequently ruined it.” 

“I’ll warn you one last time…” Philip said with clenched fists. Elizabeth saw the anger on her brother’s face and whimpered into Alex’s jacket. In response, he looked down at his sister with her face pressed against his jacket and pulled her closer into him. Elizabeth thought this was odd, but she was searching for any sort of comfort, and for some strange reason she found it in Alex.

With a fraternal feeling washing over the usually angry teen, Alex whispered, “Don’t look. We’ll leave as soon as I know Philip is safe.” Elizabeth nodded, her face still pressed into him. 

“Careful Philip, I wouldn’t go around trying to defend your father’s honor again. We all know how that ended last time,” The man shot back. Philip did not hesitate before throwing his fist into the man’s face. He was already having trouble restraining himself, and when he made the comment about his sister it threw him off the edge. 

Punches were being thrown when suddenly the fight became much more than a fist fight. The still unnamed and unknown man stepped back from center and pulled a pistol out of his jacket and aimed straight at Philip’s forehead. 

Slowly, Philip held his hands up, surrending to whatever the man was suggesting. He held his breath as he stared at the barrel of the gun and flashed back to the last time he was put in this position. He aimed his own pistol at the sky and his sister, his daring and beautifully brave sister Angelica, stood in front of him and took the bullet that was meant for him. He watched her die that very same day.

But on this particular day, Philip had no pistol of his own. He was unarmed and completely helpless. To the side, Elizabeth still could not see what was happening as Alex picked her up and made sure that her eyes did not stray from the solidarity and warmth of his jacket. He, on the other hand, watched with baited breath and prayed that the man in front of his brother didn’t do anything stupid with the trigger of his gun. 

“Please,” Philip said carefully. “My family is in the crowd. Please don’t do this.” 

“Thomas!” A woman from the crowd screamed. When she made herself known, Philip realized he recognized her. He had seen that red hair before. At the sight of the woman, the man, apparently named Thomas, quickly put the gun to his side as if he was shaken from a trance.

With the fight seemingly over, the crowd began to disperse. Thomas limped over to chair at a nearby store and placed his pistol back inside his coat. The woman sauntered over to Philip with a look of exhaustion in her eye. 

“Philip Hamilton, I assume?” She asked, but due to the look of confusion on Philip’s face, she continued. “Martha Randolph, Thomas Jefferson’s daughter.” So that’s how he knew the girl. He should have known; she looked remarkably like her father. “I am sorry about my husband. He can be a bit, well, insane. It seems I arrived just in time.”

“Th-Thank you,” Philip stuttered, which was odd. He was not one to stutter. Lucky for him, just at that moment Alex walked over to Philip with Elizabeth still in his arms and interrupted their awkward conversation.

“Take Beth,” Alex said. “She’s been crying for you.” 

“Well, I must be going. Take care Philip Hamilton,” Martha said with an edge to her voice. Philip didn’t seem to care for the woman at all. She was sort of an ass; just like her father.

“Hey, hey, shh…” Philip said, taking the crying eight year old into his arms. “It’s okay, I’ve got you. Everything’s okay. Let’s go get that ink now, shall we?”


	4. The Waiting Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You need to learn to let things like this go. Your father never could and look where it got him."

When Eliza heard what had happened, she was not pleased. “Philip, you need to learn to let things like this go! Fighting – and dueling- will get you nowhere.”

“Yes, dear, really-” Theodosia agreed.

“I didn’t duel with the man, he was the one who pulled out the gun!” Philip retorted. “Don’t you think I have learned my lesson when it comes to duels?”

For a moment, Theodosia and Eliza were quiet. The duel between Philip and George Eacker was more or less an awkward subject. It was clear that Philip blamed himself, and no matter how they tried to help, they could never convince him otherwise.

“Philip…” Eliza tested.

“No! I’m tired of people talking shit about my late father, my dead father,” Philip exploded. 

“You need to learn to let things like this go. Your father never could, and look where it got him. You have a life to live, children to feed, and a wife to love. Let people say what they want, even if they’re wrong,” Eliza reasoned. 

Even though the anger was still bubbling inside him, Philip unclenched his fists and took a breath. “Okay,” he said, not fully believing he could do as she said. “Alex really stepped up to the plate today.”

“Oh, really?” Eliza asked, intrigued. 

“He took good care of Beth while I was busy. He made sure she didn’t watch or anything like that. He even picked her up when she was crying.”

“That certainly is a step in the right direction,” Theodosia replied.

“All he needs is some love and some time. You know, Philip, you weren’t always the kindest of boys when you were that age,” Eliza said gently. 

“But you’ve gotta be hard on him sometimes, Ma. Dad never went easy on me. If you won’t, I will,” Philip uttered. Eliza looked at her hands with a stern look on her face. “But if I keep seeing what I saw today, I won’t say anything.”

Seeing the Eliza’s look of distress, Theodosia said, “Maybe that isn’t your place, sweetheart.”

Philip was about to interject when he was interrupted by a cry from up the stairs. Without thinking, all three parental figures rushed up the stairs and into the room with the origin of the sound. In the room, they found Elizabeth keeled over on the floor with Angelica hovering over her.

“Daddy! Daddy! Help!” Angelica called out. In a quick motion, he pulled Angelica off of her and cradled Beth in his arms. When he asked Angelica what happened, she stuttered, “I don’t know! She got sick and started shaking and then she wasn’t responding when I talked to her. It all happened so fast-”

“Shh, sweetie it’s okay, it’s not your fault,” Theodosia whispered, grabbing her daughter by the shoulders and holding her close. 

As Philip held her, he felt her forehead and announced, “She’s burning up. We’ve got to get her to the hospital.” 

Hearing all of the commotion from down the hall, both Alex and John appeared in the doorframe. “What’s going on?” Alex asked with an annoyed look on his face that quickly went away when he saw Elizabeth in Philip’s arms. “Is she okay?”

“We’re taking her to the hospital. Stay here and watch the kids,” Philip demanded. Just when he was about to brush past him, Alex held out a hand to stop him. 

“No, I want to come, let me come,” He pleaded. His words were full of emotion yet his face was almost blank. Eliza could see right through his emotionless face, but the only thing Philip saw was a teenage boy trying to relive himself of any responsibility.

“No. I asked you to stay here and watch the kids,” Philip snapped.

“He can come,” Eliza stated. “John will stay home and watch the kids, won’t you John?” John nodded silently, staring at his little sister’s tear streaked face. “We need to go. Thank you sweetheart.” She then gave him a kiss on the cheek and Theodosia, Alex, Philip, and Beth followed her out the door. 

Beth still wasn’t awake after the entire ride over to the hospital. Philip was getting more scared by the minute. He kept saying her name and feeling her forehead but still, nothing. She was breathing and he could feel a heartbeat, but she wasn’t awake.

“Philip?” Alex asked when they were almost to the hospital. “Do you think she’s going to be okay?” Philip took a well-deserved break from staring at the helpless girl in his arms and looked up at him. Alex never really looked sad; he just looked defeated most of the time. This time was no different, but there was a scared look in his eyes that was unmistakable. Philip tried to imagine how it felt; losing a sister that was like a mother to him and then losing his actual father when he was so young. As he watched Alex look at Beth with fidgeting hands, he tried to remember that the nonchalance Alex expressed was out of a feeling of helplessness to the world around him. It was then that he realized that not only did he have to be a brother to Alex; he had to be a father too. 

“She’s not going anywhere, Alex,” Philip responded with a slight nod of the head. Alex gave him a half smile and then continued to look at Beth as if he were to keep looking at her then she would wake up and be okay. At the moment, that was the only hope they had. 

When they arrived at the hospital, Beth was taken from Philip’s arms and rushed inside on a stretcher by strange men. With empty arms, Philip flashed back to the last time a sister of his was taken from his arms. He was determined to not have the same result as the last time. 

The waiting room was its own special kind of torture. As a family, they had sat in that waiting room two too many times. It never ended well. Praying with shaking knees as they sat on the cold benches did nothing to delay the inevitable- the death of their sister and father. It was all they could do to hope that this time things would be different.

Each person was handling things differently. Theodosia’s hands were wrapped around Philip’s as she leaned her head into his shoulder, holding him and waiting. A million things were running through Philip’s mind as he tried not to assume anything because assuming would only lead to overthinking and to overplanning. Instead, he focused on his wife’s breathing patterns and tried to distract himself.

Alex, on the other hand, was focused only on Beth. He tried to picture her face and he tried to pray, which was something he never did. Praying didn’t seem real to him, and when things got tough he tried to understand the reason behind the hardship. When his sister died, she had taken a bullet in her side to save Philip. That’s why she died. When his father died, he did so defending his honor against a life long enemy. That’s why he died. But, if Beth died, there wouldn’t be a reason. She didn’t ask to be sick and she never did anything to deserve being sick, but here they were in the hospital. So, Alex prayed. When he didn’t have reasons, he looked to someone that might. 

Eliza’s face was emotionless. She was worried, yes, but she knew something that no one else in the room knew. Hamiltons weren’t taken down by sickness because they conquered it instead. All of her children had been ill at one point or another. In fact, Philip himself was taken care of by his father at an early age when he was sent home from school after being struck by a terrible case of tuberculosis. He was healed within the month and she refused to believe that it was due to some fancy medicine. He was a Hamilton and so was Elizabeth and she was going to make it through, just like the rest.

“Family of Elizabeth Hamilton?” The doctor called out. All four of them rose in anticipation. “Come with me.”


	5. The Dream

The sight of Elizabeth was unbearable. She was passed out in the hospital bed, paler than any of her family had ever seen before. Philip and Eliza immediately ran to her side and held each of her hands. 

“How is she?” Philip asked, not able to take her eyes off of his little sister.

“She’s stable,” the doctor said. “She should be able to make a full recovery with the right medication and bed rest for the next few weeks. You can feel free to take her home as soon as she wakes up, Mr. Hamilton.”

“Thank you, sir,” Philip replied. The doctor left the room with his clipboard in hand, giving the family a forlorn look. Everyone in town knew about the Hamilton family’s significant losses throughout the past few years. “See, I told you she would be okay.” Philip gave Alex a weak smile.

“She’s got that Hamilton fight in her,” Eliza whispered, brushing her sleeping daughter’s hair from her face.

Suddenly, Elizabeth began to stir. With her eyes still closed, she muttered, “Daddy, daddy!” Then, she awoke with a start and drew in a quick breath. Her eyes scanned the room, searching for the man she had just seen in her dreams.

“Shh, Elizabeth it’s okay. We’re here,” Philip said, trying to calm the girl down.

“Where’s Daddy?” She asked, her eyes still wandering.

“Elizabeth,” Philip said carefully. “Dad’s not here. He passed away a few years ago, remember?” Elizabeth’s eyebrows furrowed together as she tried to understand what he was saying.

“No, no he’s not dead, I just saw him,” Elizabeth muttered.

“Darling, you’re sick, it’s okay. We’ll take you home so you can get some rest,” Eliza said lovingly. Philip was completely bewildered. He had no idea what to say to his sister who was clearly seeing things. He just hoped once she slept again she would be right-minded.

Elizabeth gave her mother a slight nod. “I saw him, Mommy, I did.” Even as she spoke, her eyelids began to droop in exhaustion. Eliza gave Philip, who had taken comfort in Theodosia’s hand, a concerned look.

He went to go pick her up to bring her home, but Alex, who had been oddly silent the whole time, interjected. “I’ll get her,” he said with a confident tone. With that, Philip allowed his younger brother to scoop his precious sister up in his arms and take her home. 

On the carriage ride back to the house, a cool summer breeze blew all around them. Theodosia sat closer to Philip as the bite of the chill reached her back. Alex, noticing Elizabeth shivering in her sleep, took off his own coat and wrapped her in it. Philip tried not to be too obvious as he studied the boy interacting with the girl. With the anniversary of their dad’s death right around the corner, he could see small changes in Alex’s mindset. Seeing Elizabeth in distress seemed to have an effect on him that nothing else had. It reminded him very much of the way he was with his sister Angelica and the protectiveness that he had over her. If that parallel was in fact true, then it was very clear what Philip’s role now had to be in his family. He had to be his father, a man with a legacy that was very difficult to live up to.

~

When the family returned home, they decided to place a twenty-four hour watch on Elizabeth for the next week to make sure she did not fall back into her sickness or get out of bed when she was not supposed to.

Philip always volunteered to take the late night to early morning shifts, no matter how much his mother protested. “Philip, it’s not good for your health to be up at those hours everyday,” she said.

But, Philip always reassured her, “I don’t sleep much anyway. Watching Beth is actually doing me a favor. It keeps my mind off of other things.”

One night, as he sat by her bedside, Elizabeth began to stir. “Alex,” she muttered quietly. Philip thought this was odd, but it was clear the girl was sleep talking, so he thought nothing of it. Then she repeated herself, saying, “Alex,” a bit louder the next time. As Philip could see she was still asleep, he went down the hall to Alex’s room to bring him to Beth. He wanted him to be there when she woke up.

“Alex,” Philip said, waking him from his slumber. “Wake up, you need to tend to your sister.”

“Is it my shift?” He asked groggily, his eyes still half closed.

“No, but she’s calling out your name in her sleep,” Philip replied.

Alex, understanding the oddity of the situation, quickly got out of bed and followed Philip back to their sister’s room. When they arrived, Elizabeth was still muttering Alex’s name softly in her sleep. Alex didn’t want to wake her, but he wasn’t quite sure if she was having a nightmare or not, so he went with his gut.

“Elizabeth,” he whispered. “Elizabeth, wake up. I’m here, I’m here.”

Elizabeth’s eyes fluttered open and then smiled at the sight of Alex’s face hovering above her. “Alex!” She exclaimed. “Daddy and I were just talking about you!”  
Philip and Alex exchanged glances. This was the second time this week Elizabeth had spoken about their father as if he were alive. “What did he say?” Alex asked suspiciously.

“He wanted me to tell you something because he said he needed to go back to bed. He said I might not understand what I’m telling you, but that it was very important.” Her eyebrows knitted together as if she was trying to remember this very vital piece of information. “Oh, yes! Daddy wanted you to know that he was very proud of you. He wanted you to know that you’re doing the right thing.”

Alex looked at the girl, completely stunned. He had been having doubts about going to college, thinking that he might go into a job that paid quickly instead. Elizabeth’s words had just wiped away those doubts, whether they were real or fiction.

“Which I thought was silly, because Daddy could have just told you that in the morning,” Elizabeth added, the same smile still plastered on her face.

Philip became very uneasy. Elizabeth wasn’t just seeing their father in her dreams; she was making him out to be alive and well. Breaking his eight-year-old sister’s heart with reality was not something he was particularly looking forward to, so instead he said, “It’s late Beth, let’s try to get some sleep.”

“Okay, Phil,” Elizabeth said with a yawn as she layed back down. “Will one of you stay until I fall asleep?”

Alex immediately volunteered, and Philip looked back at the two one last time before he went to bed. How could he ever fix this?


End file.
